Went out for Dinner with Wife last night. Now-a-days, it takes way longer to go out, as, after she’s dressed and dolled, she has to update her status to “Going out for Dinner” in some 37 social media platforms.
“We’ll go to Tipu’s” she said. “Yelp recommends it, besides, Nandita has already checked it out. So has Alisha who swears by their desserts.”
“We will order the Tikka Butter Masala – Suman thinks it is yum. Looked sinfully juicy on Ria’s Facebook wall too.”
“The colour of the gravy will highlight my ensemble. Wait till Mona sees it. That witch who thinks she’s a designer, trying to pass off stitched salwars from Ekbalpore as bespoke Sabya!”
“Don’t dig in like barbarians. Let me take the pic’s first.”
“Do you think the food looks better with the grunge filter? Or should I use the Lomo effect?”
“Hold the Naan Up and flash the Victory Sign. Nivi always posts pics of her husband with the grub whenever they go out. Its soo damn delicious!”
Pictures of potbellied, middle aged men holding spoonful’s of keema matter shot in in Ektachrome and delicious? Something, somewhere is certainly amiss, but like all house-trained husbands, I too know when Not to stretch my luck and press the self mute button.
“Can’t you do funny faces like the other husbands? Do you always have to look like the undertaker when we go out?”
“The ambient light is way too chic! I must take a picture of this vase here in the corner. It’s so Vogue!”
Can I eat now?
“Are we here to eat? Wait at the least till I upload the pics, sweety.”
“Hang on ya, I haven’t taken my selfie in the loo – heard the mirrors here are just awesome and the area was designed to be selfie friendly. Besides, the entire ladies powder-room area is one giant wi-fi zone. They have even done it up to resemble the colour scheme of Facebook!”
#yum, #Tikka, #Tipu’s, #hubbie, #awesome, #kewl, #Naan, #dessert, #restroom, #romantic # YuvrajSingh
“Why #YuvrajSingh” the moron that I am, I ask, daring to punctuate the monologue?
“Because he’s trending, you dodo” comes the terse reply, wifey visibly upset being disturbed like that.
“Wait, let me tag Nivi and Ria and Cheena and Pinky and the gang in Facebook”
“See, I’ve already got 27 likes and an obscene number of hearts in Instagram!!!”
“Look Ria has mailed her pic with two guys in a bar. What a hoe!”
“Hang on bubba. Why do you always act like a starving bhikari? Can’t you see I’m busy? Don’t you get to eat at home?”
#missin-ya babes, #touched, #chweety-pie, #wish-u-were-here, #awesomefood, #killerambience, #thanku-thanku, #muuuaaaahhhh, love-u-sistah, #sluurpp, #licky-licky
“That Bitch Kajal – she’s written that the food looks cold and stale! What cheek!”
“Food, what food” me thinks? Thank God, for the Beer!
You can follow me in Twitter: https://twitter.com/CharmChawm