Confabulations from a Condemned Condom-Nation – Chawm Ganguly

314716_2285900844357_1586525484_n50 Condom slogans to overcome the overdose of the Elections

This has certainly been the most abrasively fought election to my knowledge. All norms of decency have been thrown like the proverbial baby with the bathwater and each day, we have stretched the nadir to a new low. Minions from every side of the ideological divide that never was, have hurled abuse, at times incorporating the choicest invective’s at each other, playing out their shoot and scoot strategies, but that was expected. What was not expected and certainly not acceptable was the way in which so-called responsible people, leaders as we would like to know them as, have opened the vitriol canisters baring their fangs, forked tongues and cerebral bankruptcy.

What was even more lamentable, even condemn able perhaps, was the fact that there was so little of substance that was debated. Choicest abuses were hurled at the colour of the trousers of the son-in-law in one corner, which was returned in kind by snide references to a salwar-clad Sadhu upholding the best traditions of political debate, as India went about choosing the men and women who will run her in the immediate future. We have so much at the stakes and seldom before we have had so little to debate about.

A “Presidential Candidate” was thrust upon a hapless Parliamentarian System which was perhaps reason for the zooming of personal attacks as the debate on secularism, economic resurgence and corruption took the backseat even as the Nation’s attention veered towards a wife who was left in the blank. Sad? Despicable? Perhaps, but then again, we deserve the leaders (and their wives and son-in-laws) that we foist on ourselves.

If sanity was the first martyr for this great cause of irrelevance: the IPL-isation of Indian Politics, the first casualty off course was the language itself. Honourable Chief Ministers called each other names, spewed venom in a free for all – an orgy of cuss, curse and blasphemies coarse. The lunatic fringes of Indian polity went main stream with a vengeance and the lowest rungs of the society unleashed on the “sterile majority”, who are content with being overwhelmingly mediocre in their moderation; a volley of abuses that had all of us seething with outraged modesty.

In keeping with the times, one thought it would be a good idea to invoke the protection of the prophylactic so that we the people can cover our eyes and ears as the “chosen ones” will not cover their mouths. Besides, as everybody is out to ram our happiness, the least they can do is use protection.

Here, I have compiled 50 Condom Slogans for you. They are blasé and are in the best jerked off tradition of the double entendre that we so love to screw our noses in disgust while surreptitiously watching Dada Kondke’s commentaries on life.

 Irrespective of your political leaning, feel free to use them in your debates all the while praying that the principal protagonists put them to the use they were originally intended for, least their “wild oats” are sown beyond all possibilities of controlling the epidemic. Imagine, an army of Politician X’s Clones!

1. Don’t be silly, cover your Willie

2. You can’t go wrong, if you shield your dong

3. If you go into heat, package your meat

4. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool

5. The right election, is to protect your erection

6. Don’t make a mistake, cover your snake

7. If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket

8. No glove, no love

9. Even If she’s eager, protect her beaver

10. Avoid a frown, contain your clown

11. Cloak the joker before you poke her

12. Encase that torch before you paint her porch

13. Cape your throbber before you bob her

14. After election sheath your erection

15.  Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey

16. Cover your peter it will be much neater

17. It’s always funky to cage your monkey

18. It’s not much money to catch your honey

19. Don’t be a fool cover your tool

20. Hood that match then scratch that thatch

21. Wrap that tool to catch the drool

22. Condomize then womanize

23. Guard your peter before you meet her

24. Check your list before you tryst

25. Jail your number then call the plumber

26. Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel

27. Secure that ladder then drain your bladder

28. Holster your gun then shootings more fun

29. Sock that wanger before you bang her

30. Pouch your associate then go fornicate

31. Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate

32. Rope your dope then make some soap

33. Cover old sly then do her dry

34. Can your spam then bam that mam

35. Survey your land then plant her stand

36. Don’t leave it to God, cover your rod

37. Do a good deed, don’t spill your seed

38. Wrap it before you tap it

39. Pack it in plastic, it’ll be fantastic

40. Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool

41. Cover Billy then make her silly

42. Armour the tank before you enter the flank

43. Before you tap it, wrap it

44. Don’t be a Fool, wrap your tool

45. Before you make a disaster put the safety on your blaster

46. Cover your stump before you hump

47. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner

48. It won’t be funny with a coatless dummy

49. It not much fun with an unwrapped thumb

50. Wrap that tool to catch the drool

And if all else fails, do what Truck Drivers have urged India to do from behind every vehicle that plies the Highways – “Use Dipper at Night”.

You can follow me in Twitter: