We live in nuclear families, often, with the spouses having conflicting work hours. Naturally, we do not have the kind of time and energy to devote to our children that is conducive to their all-round growth and development. Their long sullen faces, hemmed in as they are within the confines of our flat, do haunt us. But our desperation to retain our positions in the rat race called life forces us towards the pacifiers. We tell ourselves that we can fill the void with “quality” time – a ploy that forces us to shower more and more toys and trinkets on our children. Efforts directed at “buying” peace as it were.
Our children have been robbed of the safety-net that we enjoyed – the company of cousins, the affection of family elders and most importantly, the ever loving care of our grandparents. The plastic crèches and the hired Nanny’s have come into sharper focus as we seek to replace genuine love with clinical efficiency.
Then one fine morning we realise that the little ones are addicted to the small screens – either Japanese cartoon dubbed in Hindi or to the net where they play seek and obliterate games full of blood, gore and what not. We wring our hands in horror and jump to the conclusion that the way out is to wean the kids away from the idiot box by keeping the “engaged”. And Bingo! We pack them off to tuitions and activity classes – handwriting, followed by karate with Salsa lessons thrown in for good measure. We heave a sigh of relief, have just enough time to pat our backs before plunging right back into our respective grinds.
At the end of the month when we add up the bills we go ballistic – seeking to inculcate in our children our killer instincts and turn them into miniaturized versions of our selves – sensitized, super human bots. Winner, we teach them, is (and should continue to be) our middle name and that we must excel in everything we do. We must run the fastest, learn the most, earn the highest rewards, always be at our beautiful best and still bake that cake that is deliciously yum. Ever wonder what all this stress does to the young minds? Or for the matter, when we try to reverse the failures of our lives in those of our children? What if my papa could not send me to the tennis camp – I’ll train my kid to do a Sania Mirza (that is after she becomes a Master Chef and a Maths Olympiad topper)!
Needless to say, our children are suffering from mental illnesses in numbers that are clearly the highest in known history. And WE are complicating things further by being in the denial mode.
Okay, so that is forbidden territory. But are we even aware that our children are ill? Do we even know about the red flags that are fluttering – signals that should have sent us scurrying to seek professional help? Are we smart enough to differentiate between the normal childish acts that most children go through (and grow out of) and the ones that should be attended with tender loving care?
Are we aware that children, like adults, can suffer from a plethora of mental ailments that if addressed properly and in time, can make a positive difference? For starters, let us take quick look at the most common afflictions:
Anxiety disorders. It is common for Children to have anxiety disorders — obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, social phobia and generalized anxiety disorder. These children experience anxiety as a persistent problem that interferes with their daily activities. It is normal for all children to suffer from anxiety, but when the same hinders his or her natural functioning, it is time to sit up and take notice.
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Does your child have great difficulty in paying attention? Is your child hyperactive? Does he behave compulsively? If he/ she suffers from one, two (or all three), chances are that ADHD is manifesting itself.
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD). If your child has problems in communicating or interacting with others, ASD is often the underlying reason. It generally appears in young children (below the age of three) and though the symptoms and severity may vary from case to case, the challenged ability to communicate is the key.
Eating disorders. No, this is not about your child puking out the fortified health drink that you bought off the shelf. Eating disorders are more serious stuff like anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder, which in their extreme, an also acquire life-threatening proportions. Children can, at times, become so preoccupied with food and weight that they focus on little else, often with disastrous consequences
Mood disorders. Okay. So mood disorders are pretty common but some, like depression and bipolar disorder, especially in children can be a huge burden on the little one. They can make children feel persistently sad with all the attending problems that such situations come with.
Schizophrenia. Yes, this is a chronic mental illness and leads a child to lose touch with reality. But the silver lining is that Schizophrenia most often appears in the late teens through the 20’s, which will give you enough time to finish the presentation you are working on.
What next? Don’t do what all parents who have come this far do – do not swing between denial (my kid a nut case? Impossible) and deprecation (OMG, I did this to the love of my life?). Relax, you cannot erase the past, but you can sure make amends for the future. Reach out – there are professionals out there who can help.
(Aditi Ganguly is a practicing psychologist. The piece was originally written for the Express Health Guide)